Good afternoon, camels and thirsty oasis seekers, and welcome to one of the most outwardly inhospitable places in America! (And no, we're not talking about Jersey here...) Today the beans risk the high temperatures and lack of shade in order to bring you these photos from Death Valley! Summer temperatures reach well above 100 degrees regularly here in Death Valley, making it one of the hottest places on Earth, yet over 850,000 brave souls still manage to trek out here every year to see the plants, animals, and other assorted things that have adapted to this otherwise harsh climate. As for the beans, here they are in front of the Death Valley Museum, which they sincerely hope is air conditioned.

As we get ready to start our adventure, the beans play "papoose", and strap themselves onto the back of a pack as they begin a long hike across the scorching desert. It's a little disorienting at first to be riding backwards, but the frijoles figure that they'll get to see where they've been on the way back, so it all works out in the end. Death Valley is filled with interestingly named attractions and sites - "Skidoo", "Mushroom Rock", "Devil's Golf Course", and the ominous sounding "Funeral Mountains". Given the option, the beans would rather skip the long hike into the Funeral Mountains -- they'd much rather enjoy "5 Star Resort with Poolside Beverage Service Plateau", if it were all the same to you.

Pop quiz for today: Did you know that Death Valley is the driest place in North America? With an average rainfall of only 1.96 inches a year, Death Valley isn't exactly what you'd call a rainy day getaway. So be careful not to accidently spill anything out of your canteen - you may need it later on. Just to be on the safe side, the beans were extremely careful to conserve the moisture inside their can while in Death Valley. They filled their little plastic wading pool just halfway, they only watered their lawn every other day, and their afternoon pitcher of margaritas? Well, for once they were straight up instead of blended on ice. We should all be proud of them for the sacrifices they made.

So after a busy morning of hiking through the desert, the beans talked everyone into stopping off here at Death Valley Ranch, also known as "Scotty's Castle". Scotty's Castle is named after Walter "Scotty" Scott, a local con artist who managed to convince people that he owned a gold mine out here in the middle of nowhere. Scotty eventually became quite wealthy, but not from gold -- "fool's gold" is more like it. Albert Johnson, a millionaire from Chicago, bought into Scotty's promises of gold and sent him loads of cash, which Scotty used to party it up with a new $2 million vacation home. Clever, no? Eventually Mr. Johnson showed up in person, hoping to see where all his money had gone, but surprise, surprise - there was no gold mine. Still, Mr. Johnson was a good sport about it, and he and Scotty became friends, believe it or not. The beans thought this was a cool story, and if Mr. Johnson's estate would care to send them a cool million, they'd be glad to share any gold they happen to find inside their can.

After a refreshing break at Scotty's Castle, the beans next head out to check out Badwater Basin, which is the lowest point in the Western Hemisphere, at 282 feet below sea level. Of course, the lowest point the frijoles have ever seen prior to this was when the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders turned their audition down for joining their squad, but since that's a dark, bitter spot in their otherwise cheerful life, we won't go there. Trust me; some things are best left unsaid...

Next up, the beans check out Dante's View, an ironically named location, since Dante's Inferno is widely considered a viewpoint of another well-known hot place. The second highest temperature ever recorded on Earth was recorded not too far from here -- 134 degrees Fahrenheit, which was measured back on June 10, 1913. (The beans would rather not find out for themselves what a 134 degree temp feels like -- in most cases, those kind of degrees would require a saute pan, which the frijoles try to avoid at every opportunity.) Still, the view from up here is pretty cool, and it wasn't that hot when the frijoles visited, so everything turned out okay. But if you happen to spot any little red guys with pitchforks complaining about how cold it is, be sure to run.

So if you ever do decide to go wandering off in Death Valley, here are some tips to help you make it back out without looking like a month-old piece of beef jerky, kindly provided to you by the people who'd rather not have to go out there looking for your poor lost soul... Never travel alone. Always tell someone where you are going and when you plan to return. Because misery loves company! Be alert for flash floods when it looks stormy. Do not ford low places when water is running. Flood waters can undercut pavement or sweep a car from the road. See? Even in the desert, too much rain is a bad thing... Abandoned mines can be dangerous. Do not explore them without assurance they are safe. Forgotten caches of explosives are sometimes found; do not touch them, but report them to park rangers immediately. Vertical shafts are invisible from within dark tunnels, and wooden supports can give way at any time, both of which could be fatal. But if you do happen to find any gold out there, remember: The beans claimed it first!!! Carry plenty of water -- one gallon per day per person -- and drink it! If you're sweating dust, it's time to stop for a drink... Wear comfortable, sturdy footwear and a hat; use sunscreen. If you're in a metal can like the frijoles, be sure to ask for SPF 99... If your vehicle breaks down, stay with it. It is much easier to find a vehicle than a wandering person. Plus, you can crank the radio to help pass the time and scare away any buzzards... The beans thought these were all great survival suggestions, and if you don't mind, they'd like to add three more: Take a cell phone - reception may be lousy, but you never know... Before you leave home, withhold paying your credit card bill for 60 days. If you do end up lost, believe me -- those people will move Heaven and Earth to find you! No matter how hungry you may get while crawling around lost in the desert, remember: The beans are your friends, not your lunch. It's considered impolite to consume your friends, no matter how famished you may be. And so there you are. As you can tell, the beans had a swell time in Death Valley, and they graciously thank their pals at the Southern Utah University Geology Club for including them in the fun. And yes, in case you are wondering, there is life after Death Valley - because the beans are the life of any party.