Yee-haw, cowboys and saloon gals! It's time to tighten up your spurs and hike up those bejeweled chaps, 'cause we're off to Frontierland!

Howdy, y'all, and welcome to the Old West, Disney style! Today the beans are riding into Frontierland, which is dedicated to the days of Davy Crockett, Zorro, Mark Twain, and Deadwood. Okay, maybe not "Deadwood" - that one doesn't present a "Disney-like" point of view, does it? Anyway, Frontierland is home to the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, a runaway mine train ride. Here the beans check out the view of Big Thunder Mountain itself, which looks a lot like something you'd find in Arizona or New Mexico and not in the center of Orange County. But that's the magic of Disney - if you can't go to the mesa, the mesa will come to you!

The Big Thunder Mountain ride is a pretty cool roller coaster, and gives you plenty to see as you go "wheeeee". There's animals, falling rocks, dark mine shafts, and this guy, who looks like an extra from "Jurassic Park". (Which isn't a Disney movie, but since nobody remembers "One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing", it'll have to do.) The beans are hoping to be fossilized one day - just so they can freak out some future species when they dig up a 65 million year old can of well-preserved frijoles. Maybe by then they'll have invented a one-inch square high-def TV that'll fit inside a can....

Next up, the beans moseyed past the Golden Horseshoe Saloon, where my mother will still proudly tell you about her son meeting his first girlfriend here. Of course I was only 7, and her name was Slue Foot Sue, the star of the Golden Horseshoe Revue, but our right-down-front seats guaranteed that I was going to be the target of Miss Sue's affections. Long story short: Sue asked me my name, and when I didn't answer right away, my sister kicked me. Then at the end of her song, when Sue came over and tried to give me a kiss, I ran away. Hey, I was avoiding girl cooties - gimme a break. Anyway, the Golden Horseshoe used to be home to the Golden Horseshoe Revue, which still holds the world's record for the longest running stageshow, with over 50,000 performances. Nowadays it's home to "Billy Hill and the Hillbillies", and the occasional Woody & Bullseye from Toy Story appearance. The beans enjoyed the 21st century Western shows, but ah - what would they give for one more show with the can-can dancers of the Revue?

And since no trip to Frontierland would be complete without a chance to shoot your eye out, the beans had to go drop .50 at Disneyland's shooting gallery. Way back when the gallery used to use little buckshot in the rifles, which meant that the targets had to be repainted daily, and the risk of personal injury to your bratty little brother was twice as high. Today the Red Riders only fire beams of light at infrared targets, so unless you're allergic to flashlight beams, you're probably safe. The beans showed off their best Annie Oakley impersonation and went a perfect 20 for 20 in their target shooting. When pressed on where they got their outstanding marksmanship skills, the beans merely blushed and gave all the credit to the extra vitamin C in their souls. (The truth? They've watched "Sniper" 40 times on DVD.)

Finally, as a reward for their keeping the town safe for school marms and innocent parsons everywhere, Sheriff Frijoles decided to treat themselves to a $4 ice cream bar. Four bucks??? Who knew that keeping the peace in Frontierland came at such a high price? Regardless, the beans had a good time in Frontierland, and hope that you can strap on the spurs and come check out the dusty streets of the Old West soon. Just be sure to wear pants underneath those chaps - the beans learned about that faux pas the hard way...