Welcome, foolish mortals and people who qualify for Darwin Awards on their own, and welcome to the Haunted Mansion! The beans have spent a lot of time here in New Orleans Square, so there's really not much new to say. So instead of filling you with 999 ghostly trivial facts (and believe me - the beans could do it, too!), they'll instead pretend that they're a first-time visitor who is enthralled with this incredibly detailed portion of the park. How's that for courteous?

Our first stop of course is at the Haunted Mansion, where this eerie sign greets those who dare pass these gates. The beans like the logo - they wish in fact that they could incorporate it into their label, provided it didn't break about a dozen trademark laws and/or further frighten small children from eating their vegetables...

Anyway, here's the mansion itself. Wouldn't you like to live here, too? Well, according to the Ghost Host, the invitation is open - as long as you remember to bring your death certificate. Uncle Walt purposely kept the mansion looking shiny and new on the outside - he saved the real frights for the inside. There's also a pet cemetery here, for those of you who are unable to see Fido off in a non-public display way.

The beans really like the haunted mansion, and if they were to ever upgrade their can to something a little more "roomy", they'd consider moving in. The creaks and groans from the doomed spirits really won't bother them, and they promise to pay their rent on time, so that there doesn't have to be any poltergeist bill collectors knocking on their door. So someone needs to write up a lease contract, and the beans will gladly put down the first month and deposit. Do you accept I.O.U.s?

And since beans cannot live by fright alone, they thought they'd sneak off and find some grub. Lessee...There's clam chowder at the walk-window, there's monte cristo sandwiches at the outdoor cafe, there's churros and popcorn every 10 yards... Ah, but then there's something else. How about an elegantly served, 5 star dining experience - the only place in all of Disneyland where one can enjoy a cocktail?

Well, here it is - Club 33. It's a restaurant like no other in Disneyland - classy to the extreme, exclusive beyond measure. The only hitch is that you can't get into Club 33 - entrance is limited to members only, and you're more likely to win PowerBall than to be given an invitation to join. Sorry, kids.

Still, the beans have been fortunate to get into Club 33 twice now, and while the memories are great and all, they wouldn't turn down a chance to go back. Maybe they can bribe the doorman with some Mardi Gras beads?

But there are some cool places that everyone (and every vegetable) is welcome to visit - and Pirates of the Caribbean is one of the best. Pirates is well known to be the last attraction that Walt Disney personally worked on, although it didn't open until a year after he'd passed away. Still, you can see where Uncle Walt's attention to detail and storytelling is throughout the ride - very few other attractions have the detail you'll find here, and the beans promise that you'll be able to find something new just about every time you ride down that waterfall.

The beans really like Pirates (duh!), and are hoping to sign up for service on Captain Sparrow's boat soon. They may not be very good buccaneers, and they stink at swabbing the deck, but the beans do know a thing or two about gold...

As we semi-mentioned above, about a year ago Pirates was updated to include Captain Jack Sparrow, Davy Jones, and Captain Barbossa from the hugely successful Pirates movies in a few scenes. It was a blend of the 1960's classic and the 2000's modern take on piracy, but it also seems to meld okay. The biggest difference? Instead of plundering for rum and gold, the modern scurvy pirates now pillage for iPods, DVDs, and Xbox 360 games.

So thar you be - a fun-filled day of ghosts, pirates, and hoity-toity bistros. What could be better than that? The beans hope you can drop by New Orleans Square soon - bring an eyepatch, your favorite sword, a copy of the Ghostbusters soundtrack, and a lucky insider with a Club 33 membership, and you'll be all set.