All aboard, party revelers and those looking for a shuffleboard-filled week of fun, and welcome to the HMS Carnival Miracle! The beans are about to set sail on a 7-night adventure through the Western Caribbean on board this incredible Spirit-class ship. The Miracle was launched in March 2004, and after making initial runs out of Jacksonville, New York City, and Baltimore, she now makes her winter home in sunny Tampa, Florida, with ports of call in Grand Cayman, Mexico, and Belize. At 900 feet long, 12 decks high, and 88,000 tons, the Miracle has room for 2,124 passengers, 930 crew members, and one can of traveling frijoles. Isn't that convenient?

So here the beans take full advantage of the sunny weather to bring you this photo from the Lido deck, where the ship's name is emblazoned in 5 foot high lettering. The beans somehow doubt you really need to have that giant logo there to remind you that you're on a cruise ship and not at Wal-Mart, but perhaps after a dozen or so of those infamous Carnival blue margaritas, anything is possible.

Here the frijoles stop to check out the Lido deck's buffet restaurant, "Horatio's", which was naturally named after CSI: Miami's Lt. Horatio Caine. No, seriously. Put a red wig and some dark sunglasses on this statue, give him a Humvee and a couple of snarky one-liners to recite, and he'd be a dead ringer for David Caruso.

Actually, Horatio's buffet is named for Horatio Hornblower, the C. S. Forester character who took to the high seas during Napoleon's reign. What he has to do with 24 hour pizza and ice cream we'll never know, but it seems to work for everyone involved, so we'll just leave it well enough alone.

Now here's a handsome fellow modeling the latest in chic fashion accessories - a can of frijoles and a bright orange horse collar. Actually, here the beans and I show you exactly where you're supposed to report in the unlikely event of one of those "water landings" the airlines love to tell you about as you fly over Iowa. Right before you sail away, there's a mandatory test known as the "muster drill", where the Coast Guard insists that everyone go put on their stylish orange life vest then report to their assigned lifeboat station for a little class on how to survive any potential "Titanic" moments. (Here's a hint: pushing and shoving isn't the best way to make friends and influence people.)

The beans were good students and listened as they explained all of the safety precautions and emergency evacuation procedures, although they were a little concerned when they happened to mention that it would be "Women, children, and the sick first." What??? What about frijoles? Where do they fit into this little escape plan of yours? Oh, sure - I bet you'd leave them behind to fend for themselves in the shark-filled, hungry-for-beans waters, wouldn't you! Ghouls.

Never fear, though. I quickly calmed the beans nerves by telling them that if we somehow happened to take out an iceberg in the middle of the Caribbean Sea, I'd tell the lifeboat captain that they were only 12 years old, so we'd be all right. (I just didn't tell them that I'd probably end up using them as a flotation device. Let's keep that dirty little secret to ourselves, shall we?)

And speaking of important safety information, the beans would like to remind you to...Watch Your Step. Yes, watch your step, will you? It seems that practically everywhere you go on one of these megaliners there are a million different and creative ways to stumble and fall down, and that's even before you're bobbing around on the high seas or are full of raspberry daiquiris.

So take the bean's advice, and please, please, please: Watch your step. Oh, and don't run with scissors, either. You might poke your eye out.

Finally, the beans thought they would introduce you to their pachyderm friend. Meet "Quinton" the Elephant (boring name, I know - but "Dumbo" and "Bennifer" were already in use). One of the many talents of the Carnival cabin stewards is leaving you an animal formed out of bath towels. With a little imagination and a lot of folding, the list of possible towel critter selections is endless. You might end up with a towel that looks like a snake, a stingray, a dog, a pig, a monkey, or even a towel that looks...like a towel! Oooh!

The beans were glad to meet ol' Quint, and are glad to report that they didn't need to behead him in order to take a shower.

So there's part one of our weeklong adventure. Be sure to join us for part 2, won't you? Just watch your step, if you know what's good for you.