Huzzah, fair maidens and drunken lords, and welcome once again to Medieval Times! The beans were here a few years ago for a behind-the-scenes tour of their torture chamber (i.e. where they send those who don't buy enough swag...), but now they're back for dinner and games. So what are you waiting for - fire up the roasted pig, and get the drink wenches a-movin'!

But first - you can't be too careful, so the beans highly recommend donning a metal exterior. It'll save you from wayward arrows AND accidental BBQ sauce stains.

Of course, NOBODY is allowed into the dining room without paying respects to His Royal Majesty, King Phillip. The beans asked King Phillip if they could pose with him, but alas - he was not amused. At least he was a good enough sport to let them sit next to him on the royal throne, and didn't order them beheaded afterwards, so we'll give King Phillip that much.

But now it's time for the games to begin, so take your seat, put on your color-coordinated paper crown, and get ready to cheer for your assigned knight! Here the beans meet the Yellow Knight, who the beans wondered was actually "Bumblebee" from that awful Transformers movie. Bumblebee here is seen here with the Silver Knight and the Red Knight, but no matter how hard they looked, they couldn't find the Gladys Knight.

The beans were seated in the cheering section for the Red Knight, who the screaming women seated behind us apparently found just dreamy. It's a battle to the death out there, so the Red Knight fought valiantly for the honor and glory of the swooning chicks who were yelling for him. Alas, his good luck eventually wore out (i.e. he must've lost the coin toss backstage), and he found himself on the losing end of a saber. The beans briefly mourned, then decided to enjoy their dessert in the relative quiet of the sobbing girls. The Red Knight would've wanted it that way.

But before going to that Giant Camelot In The Sky, the Red Knight was kind enough to flash the frijoles his pearly whites, which is ironic, since the beans highly doubt that real knights had any sort of dental plan. Still, the frijoles need to admit that he was a handsome man, and the adoration he received from the horny girls was probably well deserved. Yet why can't the beans receive that kind of love? In the end, our favorite canned vegetable walked out with their little bean heads held high - they may not have won the hand of the fair maiden, but they didn't get skewered and dragged through horse muck in the process, so we'll call it a draw.