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It's here! It's here! It's here! It's here! It's here!
Like a couple of kids on Christmas morning, Mary and I were up at 8:30, dancing on the bed and singing the Happy Cruise Day song. Okay, not literally (I'd hate to break a hotel bed by bouncing on it), but we were both pretty excited. We quickly got dressed and prepared to leave the land behind in favor of the open seas.
It was while showering that Mary discovered a not-so-hidden secret about the Holiday Inn Busch Gardens. In the bathroom is an air vent, which is apparently connected to every other room. And without having to strain your ears (or imagination) you can very clearly hear everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING - going on in the adjoining rooms through that air vent. Loud, clear, and graphic. So to the couple down the hall who were enjoying a little early morning passion? Trust me; everyone around you knew what you were doing and how much you obviously enjoyed it. Just thought I'd let you know.
Anyway, I looked outside and noticed that the skies were clear blue - hooray! The Weather Channel gluttons for punishment were still standing outside in the Winter Wallop that was now a full-blown blizzard along the East coast, and once again we were glad to be in sunny Florida and not Winter Walloped New York.
While getting ready, I removed the motion sickness patch from behind my left ear, mainly because I was feeling really dizzy, and I didn't need to be staggering before boarding (or before my first cocktail). A few months before the trip we'd asked our doctor about seasick meds, since the idea of spending 7 nights on the ocean "experiencing urges contrary to swallowing" wasn't my idea of a good time. She'd given us a prescription for the seasick patch, which while sounding good in theory, did list blurry vision and dizziness as side affects. Sure enough, that's what it did to me, so off went the patch and we made plans to stop at the nearest convenient drugstore for some regular Bonine seasick pills instead.
We finally checked out of the hotel at 9:30, after looking up and figuring out the location of the nearest Starbucks. It was fairly easy to find - head towards the USF college campus, and voila - there it was. We stopped off for a couple of coffees and split a pastry, then it was back in the Taurus and off to the drugstore for some pills and bottled water. This actually worked out well, as right behind the drugstore was a sporting goods store, and Mary ran in for a new pair of swim goggles while I paid for the other stuff.
We were off at last - or, at least for a few minutes, as we had to pull over and gas up the Taurus and not have to face the wrath of $5 a gallon fees for bringing it back less than full, but soon we were on our way back to Tampa International. We dropped the car off in about 30 seconds, then walked across the street to the airport terminal where a taxi was waiting. There's a flat fee from the airport to the cruise terminal of $20, so before long we were on our way to Terminal #2. Along the way the cabbie told us that we were lucky to be in town; all 3 New York airports were still closed from the Winter Wallop, as were Boston, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and most of the other airports up and down the mid-Atlantic coast. He said it was a guarantee that there'd be a lot of unhappy people missing their cruises that afternoon. All the more reason to fly in a couple of days early during the winter.
It wasn't too long before we arrived at Terminal #2, where after paying our fare, we dropped our suitcases off with a porter, who we tipped $1 a bag. (It's polite, it's recommended, and makes the odds of your suitcases showing up in your stateroom in one piece and/or at all that much higher.) We then made our way up the escalator to the first security checkpoint.
It was here that I first noticed the demographics of the people around us in line; the folks who'd be our co-passengers for the next 7 days. My first thought was "Geez, these people are a lot older than us." And indeed they were - the crowd we saw consisted mainly of senior citizens. Not exactly the young, swinging crowd that Carnival had a reputation of appealing towards. Many of them were speaking foreign languages - lots of German, French, Italian, and a few languages I couldn't quite figure out, but sounded to be Eastern European in nature. But everyone seemed to be having a good time, and I knew that eventually we'd run into some other passengers in our general age bracket.
We made it through the metal detector without any hassles (and without having to watch any Queen Cleopatra disrobe the 'Jewels of the Nile', like we did in Omaha), and then proceeded to the check-in counter. When you cruise Carnival, you can complete all of your check-in information on their Web site before you leave home. It's called "FunPass", and makes the whole check-in process that much faster. Being the "well informed" guy that I am, that's exactly what I did. And by the time we got up to the counter, we were set and ready to go.
I handed the agent my ticket paperwork, and he looked at me and said, "You've cruised before, right?" I told him no, I hadn't. But we wouldn't believe me. "Oh, come on," he said. "You've cruised before. I can tell." Nope, I said. This was our first time. "Well," he said, shaking his head, "You sure seem like you have. No first timers ever have all of the paperwork filled out properly. But you did everything right." I just smiled and enjoyed the fact that my overly obsessive planning and research was paying off already. Heh, heh. Nerds of America - unite!
He handed us our official Carnival Sail & Sign cards (your room key, your charge card, and as they eventually came to be known as, your "Drink & Sink" card...), told us that they'd start boarding around noon, and pointed us towards the seating area where several hundred of our fellow cruisers were already nervously waiting. We were assigned to boarding group #6, meaning that we'd be in the 6th group of people to get our official pictures taken and board, after the parade of wheelchairs were allowed to board. (Most wheelchairs there were those motorized scooters - there were probably about 40 people in them waiting to board, which they did all at once. It was seriously like watching a Shriners parade, only without any fezzes.)
We sat and tried to chill out for a few minutes while we waited for the boarding process to begin. Technically we weren't supposed to start boarding until 1:30, but the note they'd given us at the check-in said that they'd probably be able to start boarding before that, as long as we agreed to not go to our staterooms until after 1:30, so that the stewards could finish up their cleaning from the last trip. Okay, sounds fair to me. In exchange for steering clear of their working, we would be allowed to board early and enjoy lunch on the Lido deck. Again, this worked well for us. It's vacation; who are we to argue?
Oh, yeah - it was here that we saw something we never thought we'd see on a cruise: A young woman leading two men...by dog collars and leashes. Both guys were wearing collars around their necks as she pulled their leashes towards check-in. Hmmm. Are we in Tampa or Greenwich Village? Anyway, we didn't see them being led around again during our cruise, which leads to one of three possible explanations: 1) Their leashes were confiscated by the security guards as a possible tool of terrorists, 2) No pets are allowed on board, and they couldn't prove that they were seeing-eye bondage slaves, or 3) They were flea-infested, and were properly quarantined by U.S. Customs. Regardless, it was definitely a strange way to start the cruise.
Before long they called for group #6 to begin boarding, and we got in line behind several oldsters, finally making our way to the next checkpoint. It's at this point that they take your picture, which is digitally embedded in your Sail & Sign card. That way when you leave and reboard the ship in ports, the security guard can match the face up to the person holding the card. Clever, no? We had to remove our hats and glasses, smile for the birdie, then we went to the next stop, our first of many dates with the omnipresent Carnival photographers.
Say, friends -- ever want to feel like a major Hollywood celebrity who is continuously stalked by the paparazzi? Well then, by all means...TAKE A CRUISE! Now, I kid the photographers, but they really were EVERYWHERE, always trying to get you to pose in some ridiculous position, smile while you were eating, or line up next to one of them dressed up in costume (Captain Hook, pirate girls, Aztec warriors, Mexican senoritas, etc...). It started out cute; it ended up as "Oh, God - not another photo opportunity." Of course, there was no commitment to buy any of the pictures they took, and many of their photos were indeed nice, but still... When we get to the Belize section I'll tell you about the Carnival photographer moment that iced the obnoxious cake and delivered it all the way home. Stay tuned.
So we made it through the photo op, then made our way down the gangway and onto the Carnival Miracle. My heart was racing - this was it!!
Ta-da! At long last, welcome aboard, Kevin and Mary. Glad to have you here!
We quickly found the nearest bank of elevators and made our way up to deck #9, the Lido deck, where we spent a couple of minutes outside on the deck looking around and giggling before heading back inside to find some lunch. The restaurant on the Lido deck is "Horatios", named after (no, not Horatio Caine from CSI: Miami. The statues wore sailor hats, not dark sunglasses) Horatio Hornblower. They have six different food stations going in Horatios - a deli line, a grill line, a "Taste of the Nations" line, where the food served changed to a different nationality every day, a Chinese/Japanese food line, a salad line, and a pizzeria that was conveniently open 24 hours a day. Add to this the two hamburger/hot dog stands outside the main dining room and the 24 hour ice cream/frozen yogurt dispensers outside, there was little chance that anyone would ever starve on this ship.
After wandering around with several hundred of our equally confused/overwhelmed fellow guests, we finally settled on what to have. I don't remember offhand what Mary had, but I had a mighty tasty reuben (100% Howie Long free!) from the deli line. I had some really tasty potato salad with it, some mixed fruit, and a couple of cups of iced tea, and I was all set. Mary and I took our food outside to the Lido seating near the pool, and we enjoyed our lunch in the sunshine. It was a little cold and windy, but what did we care? We were cruising!
After eating we explored the ship some more, and I took a lot of pictures of Tampa from up high. We then walked up to the 10th floor, where Nick & Nora's is located, and made dinner reservations for Tuesday night. Nick & Nora's is the Miracle's supper club; it's an extra $25 each to dine there, but for the money you get 5 star food, top notch service, and a romantic evening of music, dancing, and dining that is well worth the extra money. Since we live in a town were Red Lobster is considered "formal dining", it was imperative to Mary and I that we have a chance to experience the ambiance and quality of Nick & Nora's at least one night, and prove to ourselves that there was still such a thing as a 5 star dining experience left in our otherwise culinary dismal lives.
After reserving a nice window-side table for two for Tuesday evening, we continued to wander around the ship until 1:30, when we made our way to our stateroom. Everything was ready to go when we arrived, and 3 of our 4 suitcases had already arrived. The fourth suitcase - our hanging bag which contained just about every "nice" piece of clothing we owned, showed up a couple of hours later. Whew - I'd hate to have to wear my rent-a-tux for 7 straight nights.
To say that we were ecstatic with our cabin would be an understatement. It was small, but never did feel cramped. Our cabin steward had already put the twin beds together into a king sized configuration, and hanging in the closet were two Carnival bathrobes. We had a small table and a leather sofa (which supposedly folds out into a bed, although we never tried to see if it really did), a vanity/dresser area, 3 huge closets, and of course, the balcony.
Ah, the balcony. The highlight of the cabin, and definitely worth every extra cent. The absolute joy of sitting out there every day, whether it was at sunrise, sunset, or some time in between was true ecstasy. Try it sometime; you'll see what I mean. The balcony had two chairs and a small table, and there was plenty of room for both of us.
SPECIAL COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: This section of this overly long trip report is brought to you by: Watch Your Step. Yes, Watch Your Step. Good advice any time of the year, but especially prudent when on a cruise ship. Everywhere you went it became necessary to Watch Your Step, but nowhere was that advice more useful than when stepping out onto or returning from the balcony. To get our the door you had to step up and over a 4-inch lip on the floor. If you didn't, then down you'd go like a giant sack of Lido-lunch filled potatoes. So take it from me: Watch Your Step. You'll be glad you did.
Anyway, we admired the view of Tampa from our balcony for a while, then we decided to wander the ship for a while longer. It was easy to get lost; it seemed that every deck looked just like the one previously, and for some reason I couldn't get my bearings straight, and I couldn't figure out when end of the ship was foreword and which was aft. Within a day or so we had it figured out and we could've led a group of lost Cub scouts around with our eyes closed, but in the beginning? It was looking for a while like they'd have to send the St. Bernards out looking for us.
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At 2:30 we made our way to Maguire's Pub (named after Tom Cruise's "You Complete Me/Show Me The Money" quote-worthy movie), where we'd arranged to meet with some of our fellow cruisers that I'd met online in a cruise chat room. It wasn't going to be anything formal; just a chance to say hi, how are you, can you believe we're finally here? We arrived and we met one other couple from the chat room, and had a nice time talking with them for a while. Nobody else showed up, and the cigarette smoke was getting pretty thick, so we didn't stay long. Maguire's is a full blown sports pub, and the NFC playoff game was about to start (Go E-A-G-L-E-S! was the cry du jour), so it was pretty packed with fans who enjoyed their Camels a little too much. So instead of hanging around for a cough or two, we wandered again for a bit, then went back to our cabin to rest until the 3:30 muster drill. |
So what exactly is a muster drill, you ask? Well, it's sort of like this. You know how the flight attendants have to give you the speech about your seat belt, the oxygen masks, and using your seat cushion as a flotation device? Well, a muster is along those same lines, only at sea, where the whole "flotation device" concept takes on a higher importance than it does when flying at 35,000 feet over Kansas. It's a Coast Guard requirement that everyone attend the muster drill, so don't think you can skip it - they'll hunt you down and drag you there if you try hiding under the bed. (No, I don't know this from experience. I was a good boy and followed the rules, thank you very much.)
When it's muster time, you are supposed to go to your cabin, retrieve (and put on, silly!) one of the bright orange USCG approved life jackets, and then make your way to the approved muster station. If this had been an actual Titanic-moment, after wondering what exactly an iceberg was doing in the middle of the Caribbean sea, you were to calmly and quickly push and trample your fellow passengers as you make your way into one of the lifeboats. All for one, and one for...well, one.
Okay, maybe it wasn't that exotic. At about 3:45 the "call to muster" siren goes off - 7 short blasts of the ship's horn, followed by one long blast. (Trust me - it's loud enough to wake the dead. There's no way you'll miss it.) On the back of your cabin door you'll find listed your approved muster station location, and just about every Carnival employee has dropped what they are doing and donned bright neon green baseball caps to make sure that you are sent to the proper location. So on goes the life jacket, and down the stairs you go.
Once you've joined all of your orange-clad friends on the deck, it's time for a quick attendance check (I told you that there's no hiding from muster!), then they go over a few safety regulations, and the actual steps to take in the event of a water landing. Women, children, and the sick get first priority in the lifeboats (I was ready to feign a cough just in case), but they assured us that there were more than enough lifeboats for everyone from the Captain on down. Each lifeboat had a good supply of water, food, and emergency supplies, so there would be no need to resort to gruesome Jeffrey Dahmer-esque activities to enjoy a lovely midnight buffet at sea. They showed us again how to properly buckle and tie the life vests, and why we really shouldn't shove that attached whistle into our mouths right now, considering how many other previous germ-ridden passengers had already been sucking on that thing. (One word: Ewww.) Before long we'd received the all clear, and we were dismissed to return to our previously scheduled partying. Hooray!
Now, I tease the muster drill, but let me just say that it was indeed useful to know what to do in case something went horribly wrong. Plus, aren't those vests snazzy? Be sure to look for them on all the Parisian runways this fall.
Oh, and there's this. On our way back to our cabin to drop them off, we passed a bride and groom - her in her lovely white dress, he in his dapper tuxedo. Each with a bright orange life vest around their necks, walking hand in hand. Ah, ain't love grand? I mention this because this nice couple turns up again in a few minutes.
Castoff was delayed about an hour, so it was 5:00 PM when I sat up from my semi-nap state and noticed that we were moving. (They didn't say so, but I suspect we were held up while waiting to see if any more of those snowbound East coasters had somehow made it to town.) Hey - look at that, will ya -- we're actually cruising! Mary and I went out to the deck and waved goodbye to Tampa while soaking up the sun and enjoying the bay. Departing for a cruise nowadays is not like you used to see on the Love Boat - there isn't a zillion streamers (pollution!) or a giant deck party where you have an opportunity to wave goodbye to all the poor suckers still on land. But that was okay - we had fun sitting on the balcony watching the soap bubbles that were floating up from a cabin below us and all of the seagulls that were chasing the ship as she slid out towards the open sea.
Getting out of the pier area took quite a while, but we didn't mind. It was fun to waive to the people in the condos that lined the channel, and we all stopped to oooh and aaah the giant mansions that graced the waterway. Man, talk about the good life. It was going to be a beautiful sunset, and we were positioned perfectly on the starboard side to soak it all up. What could be better?
After the sun disappeared, we changed our clothes and made our way downstairs for the 6:30 trivia competition. Now, for those of you who know me well, you won't be surprised to hear that I was heading for trivia. But for those of you who've only got to know me from the last few pages we've spent together, let me tell you: I'm what you'd call a trivia hound. An enthusiast. A man of trivial knowledge. Okay, a nerd. I've got more useless information stored in my head than you'd imagine. Ask me where my car keys are? Odds are high that I couldn't tell you. But ask me what was the first Mickey Mouse cartoon was? Why, I could quickly tell you that it was "Steamboat Willie", which premiered October 18, 1928 in New York's Colony Theater, and that Mickey went on to star in 159 more animated shorts, of which 72 were color and... Well, you get my point. I'm a guy who likes his info on the "tidbit" side. So I was anxious to try Carnival's games. I heard that they awarded trophies affectionately known as "24K Plastic Ships on a Stick" as a prize to the person with the highest score in their games. So I had my thinking cap on, and was ready to go.
| This evening's trivia was being held in the Phantom Lounge, the main showroom located on Deck 2, right before the Welcome Aboard show started. Ali (Aussie Alison), the hostess for the game, invited everyone up to pick up a "20 questions" type answer sheet and a golf pencil, then she started throwing out the questions. And they were excellent questions, all right. Some were easy, some were hard, and yes - I'll even admit to having to guess at a couple of them.
Now, to keep the story rolling (and not to brag too much), I ended up with a score of 19 out of 20, and won my first Carnival cruise medallion (no more ships on a stick, I'm afraid, but the medallions are still pretty sweet) and a bottle of champagne. I think the next closest score to mine was 17 out of 20. Impressive, no? And the one question I missed? Here it is. Which city in the U.S. had the first subway system? (Here's a hint: It's not New York City. See the answer below.) Next up was the Welcome Aboard show, where we met Steve Knisley, the Cruise Director for the week. CD Steve made us all feel right at home, then the show started. It was a combination of singing and dancing and music from the Carnival Dancers and the Carnival Band. I thought the show was a little cheesy - they had big inflatable letters on stage that spelled out FUN! - and they added the word "fun" to about 20 different pop songs - but it was a good way to start the evening. Next up they had a comedian, Jim Brick, who joked in a G-rated manner for a while (his late night show wasn't nearly as clean), then the show ended and they told us to clean on out, 'cause it was time to go to dinner! |
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Before going to dinner, Mary and I decided to run up to the room and drop off the medallion and champagne, so we hopped the elevator back up to our cabin, dropped the stuff off, then buzzed back down to Deck 2. While in the elevator on the way down, we met our one and only "too drunk for his own good" person of the entire trip. This poor guy. To say he was 'blitzed' would be an understatement. He was about 25 or so, and was wearing a sloppy suit and a fedora type hat. In his hand he had the remains of what had once been a Carnival Drink of the Day (The Funship - rum, rum, brandy, more rum, and a splash of fruit juice), and he kept asking us if we knew where his Sail & Sign card was. When we told him no, he'd ask "Are you sure you don't know?" We'd tell him no, buddy - we don't know where you put your card, and he'd slur, "Oh." Then 5 seconds later he'd ask again. "Are you positive you don't have it?" No, man. We don't have it. We were really glad to leave him wandering on his own on Deck 2 as we went the opposite way towards the Bacchus dining room. I never did see him again during the cruise - perhaps he never found his card, and spent the rest of the trip sleeping in a lifeboat?
The dining room was scheduled to open at 8:15, and there was a large mob of hungry people standing outside the door waiting to get in when we arrived. The Miracle has two dinner seatings every evening in the main Bacchus dining room - early (5:45) and late (8:15). When I originally booked our trip I had requested to have early seating, table for two. But when we checked in it turned out we'd been assigned to late seating, table for four. We talked about asking the maitre'd to change it, but eventually decided to stick with it for at least the first night and see how it goes. If our tablemates ended up being old fuddy-duddys we could then ask to be moved.
But as it worked out, everything was perfect having the later seating. It gave us time to rest after our excursions, and our tablemates turned out to be the absolute nicest couple. Do you remember me telling you about the bride and groom in their wedding clothes and life vests? That was them! Kim and Larry, newlyweds for about 7 hours, were the best tablemates we could've hoped for. We really enjoyed their company over the week - both have wonderful senses of humor, and had great stories and jokes to share.
Like I said, we were seated at a table for four with our new friends Larry & Kim the newlyweds. And it was here that we also met our servers for the week - Tatiana and Jana. Both ladies are originally from Slovakia, and quickly joined our new circle of friends. Tatiana always had wonderful suggestions for dinner to recommend, and if she didn't think it was good, she'd let us know, too. "No, no, that sucks," she'd say in her accent, and Jana kept us well stocked from the bread basket and made sure we had plenty of drinks. Take my word for it - if you're fortunate to be seated at one of Tatiana and Jana's tables, consider yourself the luckiest person on the ship. You won't find two nicer, more professional, and all around great crew members on the Miracle than these two fabulous ladies.
Now, let's talk about one of my favorite subjects - the food. For those of you who didn't know that they really did such things, the menus went like this: There was a list of 5 or 6 starters (a couple of appetizers, a couple of soups - one usually served cold), then a choice of two salads, and a list of 6 or 7 entrees. What do you want? Want two starters? Okay. Want three? Fine. Skip the starters and have two entrees? Your wish is their command. Ask, and ye shall receive. Neat how that works, isn't it? So on this first night I started with the chicken satays appetizer, the tossed salad, and the braised lamb (which tasted more like pot roast to me, but what can you do?) I didn't have doubles of anything...yet. That comes later in the week.
Oh, yeah. While enjoying our perfectly presented meal, along comes...that's right! A Carnival photographer. This time he has some poor schmoo dressed up as Captain Hook in tow with him, who would lean across your table and put a plastic sword up to your throat while you tried not to choke on your chicken satays, then say "cheese!" and smile awkwardly as they take your photo to be later printed and displayed for all to see. As you can probably guess, I didn't buy this one.
When dessert time comes around, Tatiana brought us a separate menu, which listed several examples of why diets never last on cruises, plus a cheese course if you'd prefer, some afterdinner spirits, and a list of fine coffees to enjoy. I ended up with the chocolate cake, which was served with ice cream, just the way I like it. Good, good, good.
Dinner was over, and the ship was rocking pretty good by this point - the waves were pretty high, and we were all feeling the motion from the ocean. I saw a few people stumbling, but I didn't see anyone fall down or - gasp - experiencing those 'urges contrary to swallowing' that we discussed earlier.
Full, tired, and a little burned out from all of day's excitement, Mary and I caught the nearest convenient elevator and locked ourselves into our happy little cabin for the first night of seven. It'd been an incredible day - how could it possibly get any better than this?
Just you wait...
Oh, and to answer our trivia question from above: Boston had the first subway system in the U.S. Keep that in mind for when Alex Trebek calls.
(c) 2005 Kevin C. Burk All rights reserved.