Ah, but there was no time to pout about losing our hard earned money to the one armed bandits - no, it was almost lunch time, and you know what that means! So it was back up to Deck 9 for us, where we had yet another fantastic meal, complete with these really tasty chocolate/peanut butter chip cookies. It was pretty crowded up there, what being a sea day and all (it's not like you could get off the ship and have lunch somewhere on dry land), but we managed to find a nice booth and we sat for a while people watching and taking it all in.

So lunch was finished - let's see...what else was there to do? Well, according to the constant reminder we heard over the intercom throughout lunch, all guests were now cordially invited to come to the Phantom Lounge to meet the savviest person alive, and the one true friend you'll meet on board this week... Super Shopper Lacey! Yes, Super Shopper Lacey was the lady who knew exactly where you should spend your hard-earned tourist dollars while in port. Armed with a stack of pre-approved shopping location maps, some amazing discount coupons, and a vast knowledge of all things bejeweled, SS Lacey would let you in on her little secrets of where, when, and how much you should spend, spend, spend on art, clothing, and all things gilded while in Grand Cayman, Mexico, and Belize! So come one, come all, to SS Lacey's presentation, where you too can become the world's greatest shopper.

I tease SS Lacey a little bit - okay, a lot - but as you've probably guessed, super shopping isn't our idea of the perfect vacation. I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there who cruise for no other reason than the wonderful bargains on fine diamonds that can be had if you know what you're doing while haggling in Mexico. But for us, we'd come to see the sea, not a bunch of pre-approved merchants. So we skipped SS Lacey's class (which I'm sure earned us an "F" in her grade book), although I was really tempted to go, just so I could brag about the 20 cents a day I was saving back at the parking lot in Omaha.

So instead of going to Shopping 101, after lunch we went back to the cabin for a while to rest. Then it was off to trivia game #2. This game's theme was Advertising Slogans - they'll read the slogan, you name the product. Most of the slogans were fairly simple. 'Run For The Border' - duh. 'Just Do It' - yawn. Mary and I got 19 out of 20; the only one we didn't know was 'Would a gentleman offer one to a lady?' Turns out that was a slogan for Tiparillos. Well, since tobacco ads haven't been on TV in the States since well before I was born, how was I to know that one? Regardless, it didn't matter. Mary and I had both scored medallions out of the contest (my second, her first). I was well on my way to becoming the trivia medallion god that I always knew I was destined to be.

Ah, but just when you starting feeling good and confident...

You see, immediately after this trivia game was CD Steve's televised afternoon TV trivia, which was being held in Frankie & Johnnie's lounge on Deck 2. CD Steve held a live audience participation trivia show that was also broadcast to the ship's cabins via closed-circuit TV. You could play live in person in the lounge, or you could lay around in your underwear and call in your answers from your cabin. Either way, it was going to be a lot of fun, right?

During the game Steve gave away prizes of varying value for each correct trivia answer - a free drink of the day ($2.95), $5 of free Internet time, a deck of casino playing cards ($6.50 in the gift shop), an Ocean Players Club t-shirt from the casino (priceless!), and some other fairly cool swag. Mary won a free express facial from the spa (about $25, if I remember right), and then they came to the prize I wanted - two Carnival logo photo albums. Oooh. One big one for 8 x 10s, one small one, perfect for holding all of your cruise photos. Aaah. Steve asked the question, and I immediately shot my hand in the air.

The question was: "On Star Trek, what was the color of Mr. Spock's blood?"

Now, I was determined to use the full extent of my trivial mind for this prize, no matter what. So my hand was in the air well before he finished asking the question, and it was only natural that he call on me. Steve pointed at me, the camera pivoted my way, and then it happened.

I froze.

I had two possible answers running through my mind, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember which was correct. "Hmmm - Spock's blood. Blue...or green? Blue or green? C'mon, Kevin - you know this! Blue? Green? Blue? Green? Pick one! Oh, CRAP!!"

I finally blurted out my answer, and squeezed my eyes tight. "Blue!"

Steve pointed at me again as he yelled into the microphone. "WRONG!"

The guy sitting next to me instantly put his hand into the air, smiled and said "Green", and walked away with the prizes.

So there's your lesson for the day, kids. When it comes to onboard trivia and your overly stimulated yet overly trivial knowledge base, don't get cocky.

Anyway, when trivia was over I tried desperately to remind myself to be a good sport about losing (and losing on prime time TV in front of countless dozens of mortified viewers in their underpants, nonetheless), and we made our way back up to the cabin for a quick nap. Green blood. Gotta remember that for next time.

We slept until almost 5:30, then got up and watched the sunset from our balcony (have I mentioned yet how much I really enjoyed the balcony?), then it was time to get cleaned up and dressed for our first of two formal nights. As I previously mentioned, I had reserved a tuxedo through Carnival for the trip, which worked out well. I had sent them my measurements about two months beforehand, and when we boarded there was a note in our cabin for me to come down to the Formalities shop and pick it up. Not having to lug a tux all the way from home was well worth the money.

It was kind of nice to have a chance to play dress-up like this - I don't get the opportunity to do so very often. (My last time in a tux? Our wedding, 7 1/2 years ago.) So I donned my formal attire, except I substituted my own Mickey Mouse bow tie and cummerbund for the ship's standard black set. I've got to have at least a little bit of originality, right? And I have to say (while trying to not sound that arrogant) that I looked pretty good. I guess this means that my mother was right when she told me that some day I'd appreciate having nice clothes to wear. (Of course, I was 9 when she said this, and the fact that my muddy shirt and ripped jeans weren't about to make an appearance in HER church on that particular Sunday morning had something to do with it.)

And yes, let me give my proper respect and credit to my lovely wife, too. Mary looked absolutely beautiful, and for the first time that I could remember seeing, she was actually wearing high heels. I know that she really didn't like them, but she was a good sport about it and managed to make it through the entire night with them on. Isn't she the greatest? The sacrifices she makes for me, just so I could play dress-up with the other fellas. Every man deserves a super wife like that. (But you can't have her - she's taken. So there.)

All dressed up...and plenty of placed to go.

The captain's invitational meet-n-greet cocktail party was scheduled to begin at 7:00 in the Phantom Lounge, but we decided to be a few minutes "fashionably late" (we heard that the captain himself wouldn't show up until around 7:40 anyway), and we used the quiet time in the atrium to submit ourselves to the Carnival photographers and have our formal portraits taken while everyone else was either off enjoying the early dining or in the Phantom sucking down complimentary drinks. And it worked out well, too -- we were able to stand pretty and posed with 5 or 6 of the Carnival photographers, each with a different background for the shots: On the stairs, by a stair-painted backdrop, by a ship backdrop, by a set of fake flowers, by a set of fake Grecian columns, and even a bad brown Wal-Mart-esque cheapy canvas backdrop. We stood in all the right places, moved our hands and heads around as directed, and played supermodels for a couple of minutes, all while standing there with incredibly phony smiles glued on our faces. It was ridiculous, but if we wanted to have a formal portrait, these were the sacrifices we'd have to make.

If the captain is here, who is piloting the ship?

We'd finally had enough of being photographed, so it was off to the Captain's complimentary cocktail party, which as you can probably expect from my use of the words "cocktail" and "complimentary" in the same sentence, was packed to the gills. We shook hands with the captain and CD Steve (who wore a kilt, if you can imagine), then after pushing our way through the people milling about the drink trays we managed to find a couple of seats on the far side of the room. A few minutes later a waiter came by with a tray of assorted drinks - champagne, whiskey sours, lime daiquiris - what would you like? So we had a couple of aperitifs, then waited while the other waiter (this one with appetizers) swung by with little plates of mini meatballs, chicken nuggets, and potstickers. The snacks were okay, the drinks were tasty (but not very strong - what'd you expect for a freebie party offered up to a room full of people there mainly to drink?), and we enjoyed sitting in the Phantom Lounge with several hundred other well-dressed passengers as Steve introduced the captain, who then introduced his senior staff.

It was soon 8:00, and they were kicking us out of the Phantom to make room for the early diner's showtime, so we wandered off towards the Bacchus dining room again, this time a little slower. Everyone should hopefully remember where their table is and there shouldn't be the need for such a long queue to get in, but you never know.

We joined our new friends Larry and Kim at our "reserved" (okay - assigned) table, and had a wonderful formal night feast. There was cold strawberry soup, a really tasty shrimp cocktail, caesar salads for all, and then the entrees rolled out - lobster, prime rib, and other stuff that didn't really interest me once I saw that I could have BOTH lobster and prime rib. Tatiana and Jana took really good care of us once again, and made sure that nobody was about to leave hungry.

And oh yeah, the Carnival photographers were back, this time without any pirates or guys dressed up like the ship's funnel. (It was formal night after all - a little decorum is sometimes a good thing.) They snapped our photo, and...well, we bought it. So sometimes their photography widardry magic works.

For dessert, Tatiana brought us out each a tiramisu and a warm flourless chocolate cake that can only be summed up as "jamming". I know; it's an old 90's term, but what more can I say? It was jamming. Case closed.

After dinner we waddled towards the Phantom Showroom again, glad that we could somehow justify eating the feast we had because walking from one end of the ship to the other counted as "exercise". We made it down to the Phantom just in time to catch the formal night show, "Generations". Generations is a song and dance review of music over the years, going back to the 1940s and (supposedly) all the way up to today. Well, the show was pretty good, and the singers, dancers, and musicians played their little hearts out, even though their featured 'generation' seemed to be stuck in about 1968. I suppose you have to appeal to all types of audiences (and I doubt the older guests on board would fully understand the deeper meaning of Eminem's lyrics if they were to be included), but I was kind of hoping for more rock and less disco. But what do you want for nothing? It was still a lot of fun.

It was after midnight and the show was over, so we stopped by the Internet cafe to send e-mails to our friends back home saying "Ha, ha, we're having fun without you." (Internet access was 75 cents per minute, but the jealousy rating I received in return? Priceless.) From there we hailed our friendly onboard elevator, told him "Home, James!" (also known as pressing button #8), then headed to our cabin for another good nights sleep. Tomorrow morning would be an early one in the Cayman Islands, so we'd better sleep fast.

Our first port of call was waiting for us - let's hurry up and sleep and then get there already!