Hello, Caribbean travelers and those who've been naughty, and welcome to Hell! Yes, the beans have finally done it - they've landed themselves in Hell, or at least Hell on Earth. (It's a whole lot easier to get out of this version, or so I hear...)

Hell is a tiny town located on Grand Cayman Island, one of three islands that make up the Cayman Islands, which in turn are part of the British West Indies. There's not a whole lot to Hell - a bar (naturally), a gas station, a couple of shops, and this post office, where sending mail back to your chums postmarked from Hell is a real hoot.

The beans wanted to send postcards to all of you, letting you know that they're "having a good time, wish it would snow", but the cards kept bursting into flame, so eventually they had to give up and use Satan's payphone instead. ($99 dollars a minute - that's evil!)

So here the beans pose with the brimstone of Hell, which is actually an old dried up coral bed from when the Caribbean Sea used to flow through here centuries ago. There are two theories on how "Hell" got it's name - one from the aforementioned "brimstone", and the other from a hunter who missed while shooting ducks out here, and cursed "Oh, Hell", and the name stuck. Either way, the name seems to fit, and since it attracts way more tourists by calling it Hell instead of something like "Dried-Up-Coralville", I don't think there's any danger of the name changing before you can visit.

This is as close to the brimstone/coral as the beans wanted to get - it may not be hot down there, but it's probably sharp on their little metal feet, and we don't need them leaking out from can full of punctures for the rest of the trip, now do we?

In case you're at all curious, the beans and I walked out to the corner and checked for you. And no -- the road to Hell is actually paved with asphalt, not good intentions. So now you know.

Here the beans show off their devilish side as they take the form of the pitchforked-one as they overlook the formations of Hell. They weren't so sure at first that it was a good idea to pose with this form of body, but in the end it just made them wanting to go watch New Jersey hockey while enjoying a nice deviled ham sandwich, so they didn't mind too much. But next Halloween they're dressing like Saint Peter, just to be on the safe side.

And of course what would a day in Hell be without...a gift shop? Yes, you too can plunk down your hard earned money for something embroidered with a classic yuk-a-minute joke such as "My favorite canned vegetable went to Hell and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". Still, the beans were surprised - they always assumed that instead of gift shops, Hell would be jammed with theaters that only show Pauly Shore movies.

Finally, the beans wanted to show you this fair warning sign, and remind you that taking things - anything - out of Hell is probably not the wisest of ideas. We've all seen 'Little Nicky' to know what type of awful stuff can come out of there, haven't we? And if you still haven't learned your lesson, well then you'll just have to be strapped down and forced to watch that retched movie over and over until you come to your senses and leave Hell as is.

Still, the beans did have a good time in Hell, and hope that all of you go there real soon. Oh, wait - that didn't come out quite right, did it? What we meant to say was that if you're ever in the neighborhood, you should go to... Nope, that's not working either. Okay - let's try this:

The next time you're on this Cayman isle,
The beans hope you'll stop a while!
And when you get there, if it's way too hot,
Remember: chilled frijoles hit the spot.

Poetry from Hell - it's a lost art, I'm telling you.